Have you ever struggled with perfectionism? What about comparison? Inferiority? Anxiety? Jealousy? Well, if so, then HI me too! In a world where these specific struggles seem to be all too common, we often wonder why? Why does God allow us to feel these feelings and think these thoughts? They hinder our relationship with God, they hinder our relationship with others, they allow us to not love ourselves and others like Jesus does, so why?
Now, my quick and natural response to all these struggles, was frustration with God. I figured, since God is my Creator, these must be qualities He instilled in me. God must have created me this way. This must be my “personality”. These are things that I’ll just have to find a way to overcome, or just live and deal with. God knows my inmost being, He knows I’m struggling with these things (over and over again), and He’s letting it happen. In my mind, I’m thinking, “how rude!” Seems pretty deliberate, huh? As you can tell, I felt angry with God. And I felt this way for a pretty long time. Until training camp.
3 weeks ago, I flew from my temporary “home” here in Virginia to our World Race training camp in Georgia. I was sure I would get something out of this week, but I didn’t really know what. Well, God quickly showed up here, and after day 3, I learned something so life changing, so profound, an entire paradigm shift really.
After struggling for so long with these feelings that I attributed to my “personality”, I realized that I’ve been angry, frustrated and blaming God, when I should have been angry, frustrated and blaming the enemy! WOAH. Now this may seem like a simple concept to you, and maybe it is. But ask yourself, do you truly and wholeheartedly believe this? Do you know God’s character enough to truly believe that God is not a God who would do this?
These feelings and thoughts were deliberately placed in my mind not by God, but by Satan. The one who comes to steal, kill and destroy our lives. God does not want these things for me, but the enemy does. Now I can say it without feeling guilty… how rude!!
All this time, the enemy was planting all these little lies that, over time, took up so much of my mental headspace. He makes us think that what we’re doing isn’t enough, where we are isn’t enough, the point we’re at in life isn’t enough. This is the enemy’s way of distracting us from fulfilling our God-given purpose.
God is not mean, and I think he absolutely does not want us to experience these things. I think He weeps over our sorrow, pain, and hurt. He wants nothing more than to deliver us from all of it.
These past few weeks, I have been reflecting on this new understanding of who God is. I see God differently. I no longer see Him as a God who causes hurt, but as a caring, loving and compassionate Father. I see him longing for us to feel whole and secure in Him, like in the garden of Eden before sin entered the world. A righteous, pure and holy creation without the enemy’s lies flooding our minds. I want to share a few lyrics from a song I’ve been loving lately:
Restoring Eden by MBL Worship & Brennan Joseph
Theres a place You made for me
Where I was always meant to be
By your blood its been redeemed
The door is in front of me, You’ve handed me the key
Take me back to the garden
Refine me how You want
Take me back to the Garden
Restore Eden in my heart
Here is where I find
The fullness of You Jesus Christ
Freedom, joy and true life
Is waiting here for me, there’s nothing in between
In pureness and perfect peace is where we were always meant to be. This is what God wants for us, and designed for us when he created mankind. It wasn’t until sin and the enemy entered the world that loneliness, jealousy, anxiousness, etc. even existed. So that can’t be God’s design for us. God’s design for us is to experience freedom, joy and true life. And the only way to experience this is by living a life with Jesus, taking captive the lies/thoughts that are from the enemy, and believing God’s truth. God wants everyone to experience this life of joy and perfect peace that is only found in Him.
God has began to refine my heart and mind to burn away all of the ways I’ve identified with the enemy’s lies. And He can for you too. If any of this resonates with you, I hope that you know there is hope when we have Jesus. God not only provides us with a way out, but WANTS that for us. He wants to help us defeat the lies of the enemy. He wants to restore Eden in our hearts. And He wants to do this so that we don’t have to experience pain and suffering, but instead have fullness, pureness, and perfect peace in Him!
